Staying Sober Through the Holidays: A Plan for Your First Season

The first holiday season in recovery can feel like a long stretch of tests: office parties, family dinners, old friends in town, a New Year's Eve you used to plan around drinking. SAMHSA notes that the holiday season presents challenges that can trigger alcohol and drug use for people in recovery, and that having a plan for social events and feelings of loneliness can reduce that risk (SAMHSA).

This guide helps you build that plan and put it on paper. Take it to your counselor, sponsor or a sober friend and go through it together. If you have not started treatment yet and are weighing the timing, our guide to starting treatment now or after the holidays covers that decision.

Put the plan in writing

Writing the plan down makes it something you can reread in the car before a party and share with the people helping you. NIAAA's Rethinking Drinking tools use a "recognize, avoid, cope" approach drawn from cognitive behavioral therapy: notice the situations that tempt you, avoid the ones you can, and have strategies ready for the ones you cannot (NIAAA).

A good holiday plan covers seven things:

1. Your calendar. Every event from mid-November through New Year's Day, including the quiet days in between.
2. A decision for each event. Go, go briefly, change it, or skip it.
3. Your lines. What you will say when someone offers a drink.
4. Your people. Who you will call, and when they are reachable.
5. Your meetings. Where and when, including near any place you will travel.
6. Your basics. Sleep, meals, movement and appointments.
7. Your slip plan. What you will do in the first hour if you drink or use.

Decide which events to skip, shorten or change

NIAAA says that for some situations, the best strategy may be avoiding them altogether. If you feel guilty turning down an invitation, it suggests reminding yourself that you are not necessarily talking about forever, and staying connected with friends by suggesting activities that do not involve drinking (NIAAA).

A few questions help sort each event:

• Is drinking the main activity, or is it one part of the gathering?
• Will people you used to drink or use with be there?
• Can you leave whenever you want?
• How are you likely to feel that day, given the date, the people and your week?

For the events you do attend:

• Bring your own ride so you can leave on your schedule.
• Keep an alcohol-free drink in hand. NIAAA suggests this for people who are quitting (NIAAA).
• Arrive early or late to skip the heaviest drinking hours.
• Set a leaving time and tell your support person what it is.
• Bring a sober friend. NIAAA suggests bringing someone along for support in situations where you might be tempted (NIAAA).
• Leave quickly and gracefully when it stops feeling safe. A simple "I have an early morning" is enough.

Changing an event is another option: brunch with an old friend instead of the bar, hosting a morning gathering, or stopping by for dessert and heading out. If the night before Thanksgiving used to be your big night out, our guide to Blackout Wednesday explains why that night carries extra risk.

Scripts for saying no

The person offering you a drink may not know you are in recovery, and how hard people push varies. NIAAA suggests having your "no" ready before you arrive. Keep it clear and firm, yet friendly and respectful, look the person in the eye, and do not hesitate. Long explanations and vague excuses tend to drag the conversation out and give you more chances to give in (NIAAA).

NIAAA suggests a sequence like this, getting firmer if the person persists:

1. "No, thank you."
2. "No, thanks, I don't want to."
3. "You know, I'm not drinking now, to take care of myself. I'd really appreciate it if you'd help me out."

You can also use what NIAAA calls the broken record: acknowledge what the person said ("I hear you") and repeat your line ("but no, thanks"). If words fail, walk away.

A few more lines people find useful:

• To a host: "I'm all set, thanks. I brought my own."
• To a relative who keeps pushing: "I'm not drinking this year and it's going really well. Can you help me by not offering?"
• To a question you do not want to answer: "I just feel better without it."

You do not owe anyone details about your recovery. NIAAA notes that many people are surprised by how hard it is to say no the first few times, so say your lines out loud a few times before the first party.

Build a support call list

NIAAA suggests having a trusted friend on standby for a phone call when an urge hits (NIAAA). Before the season starts, write down three to five names:

• your sponsor or a peer from your group
• a sober friend
• your counselor or treatment program
• a family member who supports your recovery

Next to each name, note when they are usually reachable, and tell them your holiday dates ahead of time so a call from a party does not surprise them.

Urges pass. NIAAA describes them as short-lived, predictable and controllable, and suggests riding one out like an ocean wave that crests and passes, calling or texting someone, taking a walk, or reading a note on your phone that lists your top reasons for staying sober (NIAAA).

Save these numbers too, because they answer at any hour:

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call, text or chat 988 for support with mental health, substance use and more (SAMHSA).
• New Hampshire: dial 2-1-1 to reach The Doorway.
• Massachusetts: call or text the Massachusetts Substance Use Helpline at (800) 327-5050 (Massachusetts DPH).

Line up meetings before the season starts

Mutual help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and SMART Recovery are peer-led rather than professional treatment. NIDA notes that they are free, not time-limited, and that many people find them useful on their own or alongside professional care (NIDA). NIAAA adds that the free and flexible support of mutual-support groups can help people make and sustain changes, and that combined with professional treatment they offer a valuable added layer of support (NIAAA).

Official meeting finders:

• Alcoholics Anonymous, New Hampshire: the NH AA meeting list
• Alcoholics Anonymous, Eastern Massachusetts: the Eastern Massachusetts AA meeting list
• Narcotics Anonymous: the NA meeting search
• SMART Recovery: the SMART Recovery meeting finder, for in-person and online meetings

Recovery community centers also host meetings and peer support. Our New Hampshire help page lists centers in Manchester, Nashua, Milford and Derry, and our Massachusetts help page lists the peer recovery support centers near Needham and Boston. Both pages also list free groups for family members.

Holiday weeks can change meeting times, so check listings or call ahead. If you are traveling, find two or three meetings near where you will stay before you leave.

Protect sleep, meals and routine

Sleep and routine matter in early recovery. NIDA notes that drug use can lead to sleep problems, which can in turn increase the risk of withdrawal, craving and relapse (NIDA). SAMHSA's holiday advice stresses the same basics: a balanced diet, plenty of sleep, time for exercise, time for yourself, and stress-management skills such as deep breathing and mindfulness (SAMHSA).

In practice:

• Keep your wake-up time steady, even on days off.
• Eat before events rather than arriving hungry.
• Keep your counseling appointments and meetings through the holidays, and book them early if schedules shift.
• Plan the empty days, such as the stretch between Christmas and New Year's, with something specific to do.

The holidays can also bring loneliness and grief to the surface. SAMHSA notes that feelings of grief and loss can grow stronger at this time of year, and suggests finding community through support groups, community centers and faith communities, and scheduling regular calls with family and friends (SAMHSA).

A safety note on tolerance and cold weather

This section matters most if opioids or other drugs were part of your use.

Tolerance drops. After a stretch without using, your body is no longer adapted to your old amount. NIDA warns that a person who returns to using as much as before can easily overdose (NIDA).

Colder weeks have been linked to higher overdose risk. Researchers at Brown University and the Rhode Island Department of Health studied 3,275 opioid overdose deaths in Connecticut and Rhode Island from 2014 to 2017. Low average temperatures over the three to seven days before death were associated with higher odds of a fatal opioid overdose. An average of 0°C (32°F) over the seven days before death was associated with about 30% higher odds than an average of 11°C (about 52°F). The authors concluded that low average temperature may be associated with higher risk of death from opioid overdose, and the study covered only those two states (Goedel and colleagues, 2019). The cause is not known. In Brown's announcement of the study, the researchers' possible explanations included the combined effect of opioids and cold air on breathing, people being more likely to use alone in cold weather, and changes in the drug supply. Brandon Marshall, who led the research team, also noted that most of the deaths happened indoors (Brown University).

What to do with that:

• Do not use alone, and make sure someone who can help knows where you are.
• Keep naloxone where you and the people around you can find it. Since 2023, when the FDA approved the first over-the-counter naloxone nasal spray, it can be bought without a prescription (FDA). In New Hampshire, the public can also get naloxone at any of the nine Doorways (The Doorway).
• If you think someone has overdosed, call 911 first, then give naloxone. More than one dose may be needed (The Doorway).

If a slip turns back into heavy drinking over a prolonged period, stopping suddenly can bring withdrawal that is painful or even life-threatening. NIAAA advises seeking medical help to plan a safe stop (NIAAA).

If you slip

A slip can feel like the end of something. NIAAA describes a return to drinking as a temporary setback on the way to full recovery, and notes that setbacks are common among people who overcome alcohol problems (NIAAA). NIDA says a relapse is a sign to resume, change or try another treatment (NIDA).

NIAAA's practical steps for recovering from a drinking episode (NIAAA):

• Get right back on track. Stop drinking, and the sooner the better. Each day is a new day to start over.
• Don't run yourself down. Discouragement, anger and guilt make it harder to ask for help.
• Get some help. Contact your health care provider or a sober, supportive friend right away, or go to a mutual-help meeting.
• Think it through. With a little distance, work out why it happened at that time and place.
• Learn from it. Decide what you will do differently, and write it down.
• Avoid triggers. Get rid of any alcohol at home and, if possible, avoid the situation where you drank.
• Find alternatives. Keep busy with things that are not tied to drinking.

Tell your counselor or program what happened. If you have finished treatment, a return to structured care can help you through the rest of the season. Clear Steps Recovery offers an aftercare program with counseling and peer groups in Londonderry, NH and Needham, MA, and admissions answers (603) 769-8981 around the clock. For more everyday habits that support recovery year-round, see our tips for staying sober.